just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
