i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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