I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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