wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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