Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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