I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
