Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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