is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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