just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
