Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
