Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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