In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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