don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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