So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
