Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
