When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
