I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
