I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
