I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
