I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
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