When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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