3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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