If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
