it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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