Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
