If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
