I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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