Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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