I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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