hell yes lets make some ravioli
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
