Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
