i think i have two assholes
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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