what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
