just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
