gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
