I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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