I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
