I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
