i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
