I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
