you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Everything about him screamed your future.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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