a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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