I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
