covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
