Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
