I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
