Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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