jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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