On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
