Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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