I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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