Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the raccoons are back...
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